Why is your ex calling you but not seeking to reconcile? Oh, this can be a really perplexing issue. After a breakup, you decide to avoid communication, yet your ex contacts you. You may or may not respond, and they may continue to reach out. But why? Well, that’s the million-dollar question, and I’ll answer it.
So, why is your ex contacting you following the breakup? Do they want to get back together? That’s definitely your initial thought and wish. Maybe, but the only way to know for sure is if (A) they want to see you and (B) they say so. But what if they aren’t trying to meet up, or if you do meet up once, twice, or numerous times and they don’t want to get back together or don’t mention it? Why are they reaching out and keeping in touch?
Well, as usual, there could be a variety of reasons other than getting back together. The fact that they’ve contacted you indicates that they want something. People do not engage in activities without expecting a reward. But, what do they want? It will be up to you to figure it out—or up to me if we undertake a coaching session. You only have to wait, and the reason will ultimately become clear, as long as you don’t cloud the vision with your desire to reunite. Keep your eyes open.
If it’s a guy, he usually just wants to have sex. Yes, I understand you didn’t want to hear that. Maybe he hasn’t found anybody else yet, or he’s seeing someone but loved sex with you. However, do not believe that having sex would bring him back. If only it was that easy! The part of the brain that falls in love is not the same as the part that desires sex, so you’re essentially barking up the wrong tree. If you’re attempting to get your ex back, wait until you’re formally back together before having sex.
It might be for an ego boost — the fact that you’re still willing to deal with them after they broke up with you — or because things aren’t going well and talking with you makes them feel better. But you must ask yourself whether it makes you feel better.
It’s possible they wish to chat to someone. Maybe they’re lonely or bored, so they contacted you. But, again, what are you getting out of it? If they stay in touch with you, it will be simpler for them to recover from their split. Even though they wanted to end things, it is still terrible for them, so they seek help anytime they feel low.
Another possible explanation is that they feel guilty. They know you’re sad and don’t want to come across as a jerk, so they stay in touch, believing they’re helping you cope with the split by being there for you. In the meantime, they could be dating someone else without your knowledge. Perhaps they attempted to replace you but were unsuccessful since there is only one of you — and that is your superpower. So they’re trying to sneak back in without you noticing or asking. They will like your postings, watch your stories, and so on. These activities may or may not indicate anything, but they may be an attempt to persuade you to contact them. They are too proud to contact you, so do not fall for it.
It’s also possible that you were terrific friends before or during your romantic relationship, and you get along well as friends. You’re easy to talk to; you comprehend and know them on a deeper level than most people; therefore, they want to continue talking. But, once again, are you simply overly optimistic?
Another reason—and you won’t like this one—is that they want to keep you as a backup. If they’re not certain about the split, they could want to stay in touch in case they realize they made a mistake and want to get back together. So they stay in touch yet do not want to visit you. Or, if they see you, they don’t talk about getting back together; instead, they want to keep you around so you don’t go.
I know, but here’s the thing: at the end of the day, if you want them back and they somehow got you to break no contact by responding to them—maybe they left a message that made you think there was hope and that they do want to get back together—if you see that they’re not trying to meet up with you sooner rather than later, and even if they do, they either try to have sex with you or don’t mention anything about getting back together, then you need to let them know. Tell them not to contact you again until they want to get back together.
Don’t keep in touch with them for too long, thinking, “Oh, any day now they’ll want to meet up.” If they do not mention it during the first or second conversation, you could ask them directly, “Why are you contacting me?” Let them know you will not be there for them. You’re not interested in friendship or a booty call. Otherwise, they’ll get what they want, but you won’t get what you want: your ex back.
